SUNDAY 19  MAY 2024


Why am I accused of being fascist and a racist when all I want is for immigration to be controlled?


IT’s official! I’m a Right Wing, fascist and racist. Who says so? One of the women interviewed on TV handing out free buns and tea on the dockside of the Bibby canal barge in Portland this week. Or was she one of those AI modules we keep hearing about because everyone I know is tearing their hair about the migrant ‘invasion.’

The heinous crime against humanity by people like me, she said, is that I’m against African and Albanian males using smugglers’ boats to enter my country illegally. All refugees are welcome, she claimed. There’s plenty of room, echoing the words of the Guardian’s favourite Ugandan immigrant ranter, Yasmin Alibhai Brown, on a TV Press review later.  

I wonder, as the UN forecasts that up to 500 million refugees could head for Europe over the coming years, if the lady with the buns will be able to bake enough to go round? How dare she call people like me names? I wouldn’t dream of calling her one. Where does it all stop? Anyway, for clarification, I shall call her Bun-ny. (Geddit?)

I have many coloured friends; a Miles Davis jazz collection to be envied and believe Roots by Alex Haley was one of the greatest books ever written. I’m all for a level of immigration that benefits our country. But people should use the legal route. And there must be a cap, surely?

Only this week we heard that after murdering two people in Serbia, Lawangeen Abdulrahimzai entered Britain and claimed refugee status by pretending to be 14. He was placed in foster care before stabbing an innocent bloke to death in Bournemouth. There are plenty of similar cases. But tricks like lying about age is acceptable to the Bunnies apparently. “You would, wouldn’t you?” they say.

Of course, not all illegals are like that. But we know nothing about these men except that the Bunnies’ and new Woke media believe they aren’t dangerous. That’s nuts! We don’t just bring in culture, we bring in crime. Especially when these young men don’t get the steam rooms and saunas they were promised.

Sorry, but I care about my country, its way of life, culture, statues, heroes … I’m not Woke, I am, dare I say? Patriotic. Wash my mouth out with soap and water! I admire Nelson Mandela, but I don’t want his body at the top of a new Nelson’s column. And some of my ancestors fought and died for this country – that must count.

Over 40,000 illegals have arrived on our beaches in the Armada already this year and most of them were African and Albanian males. On one day last week 750 washed up. They join over 100,000 boaters already here. And we all know how difficult it is to send them anywhere except luxury accommodation.

Some lawyers are so eager to help them, according to our own judges, they create the thinnest of reasons for them to enjoy the benefits of Blighty. One male refugee in an English four-star hotel avoided being put on the Bibby, currently empty again because of a water bug, because his lawyer claimed the room would remind him of his tiny flat during the Syrian war.

Another claims rooms on the barge remind him of life under ISIS. Really? What time was his head scheduled to be chopped off … after lunch, the afternoon movie and a vape?

The Bunnies of course don’t give a bucketful of sand about the cost of the illegals as families are crushed under the cost-of-living crisis and Brits are homeless. And noisy Labour and Liberals haven’t come up with one credible alternative to the current plans.

According to the Daily Mail, some of our legal big wigs charge boat people £10,000, to create false claims that are granted. And then of course come the pyjama injunctions … foreign courts telling us what to do in the dead of night. Grrrr!

Time for us to kick them out of bed! The government has a legitimate right to defend our borders. How many pairs of gold cufflinks do these overpaid lawyers need in their heirloom jewellery boxes? And let’s not forget The Times excellent exposé of Malik & Malik, the North London solicitors who brought in stacks of groundless asylum claims.

Labour politicians, hand-wringing churchmen, human rights activists, the BBC and other media seem to live in a different world to the majority of British people who are shouting at their TV sets in despair every time they see pictures of another boatload of African males.

Regardless of what some members of the media think, many people, probably the majority, don’t give a monkeys about asylum seekers being sent to Rwanda, Ascension Island or the Bibby. They could be put on a one-way Branson flight to Mars for all they care.

When I was a lad, aged about four, growing up in Neasden’s Dollis Hill, every weekend my grandfather would take me on the buses pointing out our great landmarks and statues … Wellington, Nelson, Buck House, Parliament, Marble Arch, Boudicca. He passed on his love of his country, its history and culture. That’s probably why I do the same.   


Our TV sets zoom in on men in glass cases showing their knobs and women displaying their bits in a dating programme; a Game Show host asks: “What should a woman do to please a man? A girl contestant answers: Wank him? Simon Cowell breaks into hysterical laughter and claps as a contestant lies on his back with his legs up in the air, breaks wind and puts out a flame and an overweight gentleman in skimpy pants twists and turns on stage to show what he looks like naked. Come back Mary (Whitehouse) dear.


What sort of message does England woman soccer star Lauren James send our sport-loving kids all over Blighty? James, 21, was sent off for stamping on the back of Nigerian player Michelle Aloz in the game they finally won on penalties. Her punishment – she misses two matches. Big deal. What rubbish. She should have been sent packing on the next flight home. She brought disgrace on the woman’s game, still struggling to capture the Big Time.


The rip-off culture is alive and well, I see. A young holidaymaker on Lake Como asked for his toasted sandwich to be cut in two so that he could share it with his girlfriend because he wasn’t that hungry. It was brought to his table with the bill. They had billed him 2 euros labour charge to cut it down the middle.


A pet hate of mine is awful grammar. Not that I profess to be an Oxford Don. Quite the opposite. But I shudder when I hear it. Up to now my top shudder moment was standing behind a mother at the till in Asda, as her little boy picked up a Galaxy bar from an open box. She snatched it from him. “No Wayne, you ain’t ‘avin none of them ones,” she shouted. Ugh! That has now been topped by a BBC TV interview last week with a husband and his wife in their damp flat the council had let fall to disrepair. Sad story and he complained: “No one done nothing!” My mind boggled.  


14th August 2023