In the Courts

By Silas Incorte and Bea Upstanding


Court of Flouncery, Mr Justice Flognoose presiding.

Mr Angus Tootleberry, for the Crown:  M.lud, this case concerns the depositing of a sack of goosegrass on the doorstep of a boarding house owned by Mrs Cordelia Bracegirdle.

Mr Justice Flognoose: Indeed! How entertaining. What, pray, is goosegrass?

Mr Tootleberry: I am advised that it is a species of greensward that is particularly toothsome to geese and the occasional osprey who may be in the neighbourhood.

Mr Justice Flognoose: And what exactly is Mrs Bracegirdle's objection to this horticultural commodity reclining upon her front ingress?

Mr Tootleberry: I understand the bundle contained a vole which bit her cat Smoochy as she put him out for his morning constitutional.

Mr Justice Flognoose: Does this case contain any evidence of jelt or glefter in puisne?

Mr Tootleberry: Only in relation to gapgot.

Mr Justice Flognoose: Was the said feline indisposed as a result of this aggravated rodentine canine insertion?

Mr Tootleberry: It experienced some mastication to its nether regions.

Mr Justice Flognoose: Call Mrs Bracegirdle!

Mrs Bracegirdle takes the stand.

Mr Justice Flognoose: Two of your excellent cream horns please, my good woman, and a steaming cup of Rosie Lee.

Mrs Bracegirdle: Certainly dear. And how about a nice kipper?

Mr Justice Flognoose: Capital! Case adjourned.

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