The man formerly known as York  did not fall on his sword, it was Prince William who plunged it in

DAGGERS DRAWN: Andrew and William at the Duchess of Kent’s funeral 

First things first.  ‘Prince’ Andrew is a boorish, lying, shameless, thick, arrogant oaf with not an ounce of self-awareness, a contrition-free zone, with no consideration for the effect his behaviour is having on his brother, ill with cancer. He has relied on the fact that Charles hates confrontation and cannot make up his mind. Which is why Andrew was allowed to ‘own’ last Friday’s announcement that he was renouncing his ridiculous titles and his feather boa and it was his own decision.

It was a case of "Look, I'm a decent fellow and all these pesky headlines are awfully distracting for the family so I'm stepping back a bit because that's the sort of chap I am. Too honourable in fact as I think I announced before". The Mail's splash ‘Andrew falls on his sword' reflected that, when the truth is he had absolutely no option; Prince William has led the running and it was he who wielded that sword. Had he been the current monarch and not the heir, the solution would have been so much swifter, harsher and more effective.

He knows, as the Palace has already said, that more shock waves are imminent with the publication today of Virginia Giuffre's posthumous memoir. So much better if the former York had been cast adrift once and for all. The lesson is, if the problem is big, then deal with it big. If your house is falling down, retiling the bathroom is not the answer.

But William clearly couldn't persuade his father to go the whole hog because Charles is a ditherer. It will come back to haunt him. 

That said, do not believe every word that Giuffre has said. As I mentioned last week I have been asked to edit a tome which examines every aspect of the Epstein scandal, forensically and methodically. All the court depositions and hearings, interviews with most of the girls allegedly abused by Epstein and the role of Ghislaine Maxwell. 

It shows that poor Virginia, sexually abused by her father at the age of eight, unsurprisingly grew into a disturbed teenager with a drug habit and a boyfriend who stole to feed his own addiction. She lived rough on the streets for a while, then worked at Donald Trump's Mar a Lago resort in Florida as pool girl, tidying up after guests and generally making herself useful. And that is where she met Epstein.

She went to work at his Palm Beach mansion, one of his many homes, and was asked if she knew how to give massages. The answer was no but she could learn. Almost immediately the massages included 'extras' and each time she agreed she was paid a minimum of $200. According to her, it only occasionally involved full sex. After a massage given by a naked Virginia, Epstein would often roll onto his back and masturbate.Thus proving he really was a rich wanker.

He had to reach climax three times a day, every day, and always after a massage. An expensive business at $200 a time. Virginia was not alone, other teenage girls were brought in on the same terms with the butler handing them the payments on their way out. The problem for Virginia is that she soon became not the 'sex slave' but the recruiter. Every girl she brought to him made her the same amount as the other girl got for the sexualised massage. 

Suddenly she was, if not rich, certainly better off than most of her peers. She medicated on Xanax, cocaine and cannabis, trying to keep her habit from Epstein who neither drank nor smoked. Just like his pal Andrew. There was no mention of sweating.

Giuffre's memoir, Nobody's Girl, is not her first stab at her version of events. She also wrote The Billionaire's Playboy Club which was never fully published but used as evidence against Epstein and Maxwell. The real problem is that she is such an unreliable witness. In the many series of questioning by the FBI over the years, which I have read, she changes her story time and time again. 

At first there was no mention of having sex with Prince Andrew, then there was. There was another prince, but she couldn't remember his name, and a South American President, also with no name. Her biggest mistake was her claim that she was trafficked by Epstein to America's most eminent lawyer, Prof Alan Dershowitz, then in his 70s, now aged 87. And no Robert Redford-lookalike he.

She picked on the wrong man because Dershowitz set about successfully  dismantling her claim step by step and in minute detail. And if she lied about that what else could be relied on? 

In fact, Giuffre was persuaded to include the name of Dershowitz in The Billionaire’s Playboy Club by Sharon Churcher, then of the Mail on Sunday, which first broke the Prince Andrew story. In a taped call between Churcher and Giuffre, Virginia is urged to include the professor's name. "Don't forget Alan Dershowitz, JE's buddy and lawyer, because everyone has heard of him.”

The following morning Giuffre emailed Churcher:"Thanks again Shazza, I'm going to bring the house down with this book" [referring to The Billionaire's Playboy Club which never made it to the book stores]. But it was a step far too far and soon many more of her stories were in doubt.

Nobody comes out of this terrible saga well, the Royal Family for not recognising a potential crisis to its reputation looming large, the Met police for starting two investigations into Andrew's relationship with Virginia and taking them no further  and the Trump regime for not releasing the Epstein files as it had promised. We can only speculate why.

Sad, confused Virginia had a troubled life which she ended by committing  suicide in April this year aged just 41. In the last two decades she had received more than $30 million from various actions she took against Epstein and others, including of course, the man formerly known as York. 

It certainly didn't bring her happiness.

*****

I suspect that few of us sit down to a cooked breakfast these days but the occasional plate of bacon and eggs (creamily scrambled please) is always a treat. But how about caviar with those eggs, or Lobster Benedict perhaps? A mere £750 and £70 respectively at the Ritz (natch) and at the Michelin-starred Hide in Mayfair twice as many customers book for breakfast (average price £70) as they do for lunch. 

It's a long way from the Express reporter who ordered egg and chips in the canteen and complained about the look of the frazzled oeufs. "Ok love, let me give you two then, no charge."

*****

AND FINALLY 

Friends from Galway were finishing their grand tour of South America and attempting to leave Venezuela. The sinister man with the Zapata moustache at security was having none of it however. He couldn't read the husband's passport. "Theeese no good,” he said and refused them exit. The reason, like so many homeworks, was that the dog had eaten it.  

ALAN FRAME

21 October 2025