Ardent monarchists and assorted toadies, look away now.

Ageing gentleman, rich as Croesus, fussy as f**k, requires gardener to help tend one of his many gardens. Must be willing to bow and scrape and withstand occasional angry confrontations and not answer back. Location Gloucestershire, minimum wage. Volunteers particularly welcome.

That in a nutshell should be the advert for some poor sap needed to work in the 15 acres of organically-treated gardens of King Charles' Highgrove estate. The man whose personal wealth is put at £1.8 billion is unwilling to pay more than £12.21 an hour for those over 21 or £10 to 18-20-year-olds. No wonder then that in the last three years 11 of the 12 gardeners have quit, fed up with the money (or lack of) and the angry notes written in red ink on cards by which Charles communicates his displeasure at some perceived horticultural horror.

The Sunday Times this week revealed the extent of the unrest among the delphiniums at Highgrove and it's not a pretty picture; a petulant monarch, whose belief is 'that humanity should work with nature' but clearly fails to look after the humans tending that nature. Instead he is making life so difficult for his staff that the charity which runs the spread has been told to offer them mental health support. Decent wages might actually solve the problem rather faster.

When I lived on the Kent/Surrey borders I hired a chap who came in one day a week in the summer to mow the grass and do odd jobs around the half acre garden. I paid him well (and no, I didn't claim it on exes) and he in turn did a brilliant job. The going rate these days for someone to do the same job in the London suburbs is around £25 an hour. Try offering the minimum wage and the grass will grow knee-high in no time.

The gardens at Highgrove, though privately owned by the king, are open to the public, assuming you can afford £39.90 per person (so not likely to attract those on the minimum wage) and if you fancy the Champagne Afternoon Tea Tour it's £155 per couple. They are run on a strict commercial for-profit basis. He is well aware of the staffing problems but apparently fails to understand that sending snotty notes like "Do not put that man in front of me again" or asking for the impossible such as moving flowers in full bloom to another spot without killing them, are the reasons. And the wages of course.

Running the gardens for the king is Dutchman and Beckham lookalike (sans tattoos) Constantine Innamee who was recruited by former fixer and toothpaste-squeezer-in-chief Michael Fawcett ("I couldn't do without that man"). According to the Sunday Times, Innamee is given to shouting and doing precisely what the king wants, however impractical. But, in monetary terms, he has been a success and the gardens are now pulling in £6million-a-year.

So what is it about the Royals and money? All staff, at whatever level, are paid a pittance; they appear to sign up for the dubious privilege of the honour of working for them. Yet here is a family with a property portfolio of seven palaces (the obvious being Buckingham, St James' and Kensington); 10 castles (Windsor and Balmoral heading the list); 12 'mere' houses (Clarence, Sandringham and Holyrood among them); 56 holiday homes, many let out, and 14 ancient ruins.

Both Duchies, Lancaster (18,500 acres) and Cornwall (52,500 acres) are valued at almost £2billion and if you die without making a will in parts of Manchester, Cumbria and Lancashire your estate will be subsumed by the Duchy of Lancaster. You have been warned! Oh, and by the way, the Royal Family, unlike the rest of us, doesn't pay inheritance tax. Which is how the king is even richer than before, he didn't pay a penny of pesky tax on what he inherited from the late Queen. 

Talking of dying, and apologies for bringing this up, there has been a hoo-ha because the Telegraph reported plans for Operation London Bridge, aka the funeral of King Charles. Why? He's 76, has cancer and, citing bad taste, that was the reason given by Tobyn Andreae, former DX and Mail hack, now head of the Palace comms team. He read the riot act to all royal correspondents and not a further word was written. Shame on them.

Next month there will be more unwelcome news for 'The Firm' with the publication of Entitled: The Rise and Fall of the House of York, by my friend Andrew Lownie. It's to be serialised over five days by the Mail and I know many of the revelations. I suggest they ditch the crowns and coronets and don the hard hats. The harder the better.

*****

Still on the subject of the Royals, Tom Bower has revealed that one of their favourites(!), the former Meghan Markle, travelled first class to Rwanda on behalf of the charity World Vision Canada along with a fashion photographer, hair and make-up artist and suitcases of clothes. In other words, it was all about her and not about the charity.

As a former trustee of the brilliant charity Street Child, I know how important it is to focus on the prime objective, in this case educating kids in the poorest countries on earth and supporting their families. When Sarah, Duchess of York, became (mercifully) briefly involved with Street Child a few years ago, she made sure it was All About Me. The association didn't last long .

Thanks to the brilliant foresight of the inexhaustible Tom Dannatt, Street Child has grown since 2008 from working in one country, Sierra Leone, then the poorest in the world, to 25 now. I went twice to Sierra Leone with Tom and saw the results of what a little village school makes to children tasting education for the first time. They arrive on time, however far they have to come on foot, and they are hungry for learning.   

In just 17 years the charity has grown exponentially. More than 1,000 schools have been built either through construction or renovation; hundreds of teachers trained; 1.5 million children reached and 220,000 families helped. And, rather than re-inventing the wheel, it works with local organisations in places in crisis in sub-Saharan Africa and Asia, including Afghanistan.

Sadly not yet in Gaza.  it's simply not practical to build a school only to see it destroyed by Israel's bombs a day later.

www.street-child.org    

*****

AND FINALLY

Pending Agent Orange's visit to Scotland some wit has amended the sign for his golf course. It now reads Trump International Golf Links: Twinned with Epstein Island.

ALAN FRAME

23 July 2025