‍The Prime Minister’s office, Downing Street, Tuesday, July 1.

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‍The Prime Minister, Sir Keir Starmer, is with Liz Kendall, Secretary of State for Work and Pensions, who is bringing him up to speed on the chances of their welfare reform Bill passing through the Commons.

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‍ Starmer: So, Liz, have we turned it around?

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‍Kendall: We’ve made progress, Prime Minister! I’ve been doing the rounds with the Chief Whip and that rebellious mood is softening. I think you’ll find many more of our people making the right choice in the division lobby this evening.

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‍Starmer: Well done, Liz.

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‍Kendall: Not at all, Prime Minister. As ever, your leadership and political instinct were of paramount importance.

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‍Starmer: We’ve had to make some concessions, of course. Too many, do you think?

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‍Kendall: I don’t think so, Prime Minister. You were tough in negotiations. In fact, I’ve never seen such skill and aplomb. You set out your red lines and, if I may say so, you were implacable.

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‍Starmer: Do you think so? I was a little concerned I might be giving them too much.

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‍Kendall: Not a bit of it. The car thing was a masterstroke. A free BMW for everyone with a headache? Genius!

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‍Starmer: BMW have been on. They want to build a factory here. See, Liz? Growth. Rachel will be pleased.

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‍Kendall: Your Motability initiative has already leaked. Apparently, there’s been a run on paracetamol. Shares in the company that makes Panadol are through the roof.

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‍Starmer: That’s a nice headache to have. More growth! How do we do it, Liz?

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‍Kendall: It’s your guiding hand, Prime Minister. Firm, principled but pragmatic.

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‍Starmer: Thank you, Liz. And by the way, I don’t care what the others say, I’ve never had any doubts about your suitability for this role.

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‍Kendall: Others? Doubts? I’m sorry, Prime Minister, I don’t… I mean…

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‍Starmer: Sorry, I shouldn’t have brought it up. Rest assured, Liz, you have my fullest confidence.

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‍Kendall: And you mine, Prime Minister. The parliamentary party will come round, I’m sure.

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‍Starmer: This, frankly, is what puzzles me, Liz. I was led to believe that they were on our side. I was thinking of making Meg bloody Hillier a PPS but she can whistle for it now. I mean, how is it possible to lose a vote on something as important as this when you have a majority of 165?

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‍Kendall: You’re forgetting that this is the Labour Party. I keep reading that the, er, very remote possibility we might lose tonight’s vote is despite our huge majority. But, as usual, the Press have got it all wrong. It is precisely because of our majority that they feel able to rebel. The thinking is, Well, we’re going to win anyway, so where’s the harm in flexing our muscles?

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‍Starmer: You mean we’d have been better off without our historic landslide?

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‍Kendall: I think we might. Nothing concentrates the mind, instils discipline, quite like the prospect of your job going down the shitter. Oops, sorry, Prime Minister, that just slipped out.

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‍Starmer: Don’t worry, Liz, as the son of a toolmaker, I’m used to the occasional profanity. Now, I said just the other day that fixing the welfare system was a moral imperative. And I know you want – what was it you called it? – a fairer, more compassionate system.

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‍Kendall: Yes, Prime Minister, the aim was to take money from disabled people wasting their time at home and to offer them dignity and independence by helping them to get jobs.

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‍Starmer: Admirable, Liz. Did they fall for it? I mean, have they embraced your life-enhancing proposals?

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‍Kendall: Up to a point, Prime Minister.

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‍Starmer: Taking the overview, which of course is my job, how much have we saved, assuming the Bill passes the Commons?

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‍Kendall: Well, we set out to cut £5 billion from the welfare bill. Naturally, that was an aspiration.

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‍Starmer: And have we met it?

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‍Kendall: Well, not quite.

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‍Starmer: How short are we?

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‍Kendall: It’s estimated that the concessions could cost us £3 billion. Still, a saving of two billion is not to be sniffed at.

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‍Starmer: Rachel won’t be pleased. She’ll have to put taxes up again. By the way, that £3 billion… Is it with or without the BMW wheeze?

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‍Kendall: Oh, without, I’m afraid.

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‍Starmer: How much is that going to cost us?

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‍Kendall: Well, if we give one to every adult of voting age in Britain – and let’s face it, they’re all going to want one – that’s 42,000,000 at, say, £32,000 a pop. It comes to roughly £1.5 trillion, Prime Minister.

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‍Starmer: Trillion? Trillion! What have you got me into, Kendall?

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‍Kendall: I’m sorry, Prime Minister, but it was your idea.

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‍Starmer: I think you’ll find, upon mature reflection, that it was your bloody idea. Oh, well, another U-turn looms. Onwards, Liz. You realise it’s been a year since our famous victory? One or two mis-steps but that’s understandable, given the mess we inherited. I didn’t like that dig in one of the papers: “Pity poor Starmer. He’s a year older and none the wiser.”

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‍Kendall: Grotesque, Prime Minister. I mean, how could they even know? You’ve hardly been here!

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‍Starmer: Yes, well… I think perhaps we’d better get back to work.

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‍Kendall: One thing, if I may, Prime Minister? Who were the others you mentioned? And what were they saying about me?

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‍Starmer: Oh, don’t worry, Liz. I’m sure they didn’t mean it.

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‍*****

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‍Sad to see that the great Sandy Gall has died at 97. With his rugged good looks and broken nose, he was every inch the dashing foreign correspondent and reported with distinction from  the Congo, Uganda, Kenya, the Gulf War and, memorably, from Afghanistan.

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‍He was so moved by the plight of the children there, many of whom were maimed by mines sown by the Russian invaders, that in 1983 he founded a charity run by his wife and one of his three daughters. His compassion won him the Lawrence of Arabia memorial medal presented by King Charles, who was then Prince of Wales. He also got a CBE.

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‍A product of the Scottish public school Glenalmond and Aberdeen University, he began his journalistic career on the Press and Journal in Aberdeen.

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‍After a spell at Reuters, he joined ITN in 1963 and was there in the station’s heyday when seemingly the entire nation tuned in for News at Ten with its familiar Big Ben bongs.

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‍Gall was one of the trio of hard-drinking scallywags who presented the programme. The others were Sir Alastair Burnet, later editor of the Daily Express, whose preferred tipple was whisky, and Reginald Bosanquet, of whom he said: “It’s not very nice being bombed but having a few drinks with Reginald Bosanquet could be pretty dangerous. And if you went to Reggie’s for dinner, you really were taking your life in your hands.”

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‍Journalism was still an adventure in those days. I suspect Gall would not have fitted in at Reach.

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‍RICHARD DISMORE

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‍2 July 2025