Why a plastic surgeon failed to transform an unlovely ‘lookalike’ Madonna into the Material Girl

LIKE A VIRGIN? Drone Laboratories’ best guess of how the lookalike Madonna, er, looked

By GEORGE DEARSLEY

Many years ago a showbiz agent rang me for help. He said: "I have a girl singer who wants to be Britain's number one Madonna sound and look-alike. She can sing like Madonna but she looks more like Maradona. She wants a facelift." 

Unfortunately, the singer couldn't afford the full fee (around £20k back then) and was hoping I could get some publicity which would bring a substantial discount. 

I wrote to 20 plastic surgeons and also obtained a letter from The Sun to say this was a story they'd be willing to go big on. 

I chose a surgeon, Edward Latimer-Sayer, who lived near the singer's Southampton home and off we went. The medic's house was like a palace at the end of a 300-yard driveway, past a Rolls and a huge RV. 

He interviewed the girl in private (as I waited in his drawing room) and then we spoke. "I have made your client aware of the full extent of the medical procedure and I believe she is fit both mentally and physically to proceed," he said. 

I replied: "Well, all that remains is the cost." I produced The Sun's letter and with a flourish handed it to him, adding "I was hoping you might reduce your fee in return for publicity." 

He read the letter and handed it back to me. "There's one small problem," he said. "Six months ago The Sun newspaper called me DOCTOR FRANKENSTEIN."

"You sued, of course," I said.

"Yes," he replied. "But put it this way, their lawyers were better than mine."

I made my excuse and left.