Custard's Last Stand

By Brown N Polson

One often wonders, when one has nothing else to do (which is seldom when one is a custard chef catering for Silmos Lolly's insatiable needs) what title to give one's autobiography when, if ever, it is written.


The title, it would seem, is more important than the words contained therein. Indeed, one can imagine a situation where one chooses a snappy title, fills the book with inanities and sits back and collects the royalties. Perish the very thought...

Of the colleagues and friends in Steeple Cholmondely whom I have questioned about this, AJP Hedgerow-Corduroy has chosen The Taming of the Trews after, he explains, "a lifetime coping with trousers".

Professor Pliffploff has picked Top Hats are the Mother of Invention, Barmy Brainstorm has plumped for A Clockwork Sausage and my employer, Mr Lolly (Our Man in the Dirty Mac) has selected Off My Trolley, a History of David Greig's the Grocers.

As for myself, I cannot decide between A Spoonful of Custard or Away with the Fairies.

Thought for the day: A soft felt hat makes an ideal home for a badger.

© 2005-2022 Alastair McIntyre